Helpless
by Girl in the swing
Summary: Sometimes it is difficult to put what you feel into words. Sometimes it is near impossible. It is not that you can't just name the feelings; there are times when the feeling is just a feeling sweeping you off your feet in its flow... First war drabble; Petunia's POV


_Sometimes it's difficult to put what you feel into words. Sometimes it's near impossible. It's not just that you can't name the feelings; it's those times when the feeling is just a feeling sweeping you off your feet in its flow, ruthless in its insensitivity and unfeeling in its intensity. It is an amalgam of everything you know and so many that you don't, that you can't imagine. It flows over you like molten lava, melting everything in its path, leaving you a puddle of whimpering mass…_

 _Overpowering your every sense, overwhelming your every thought...helplessness, raw, bleeding wound-fresh helplessness, fills each and every pore of your body until that moment when you realize that you can't take it anymore…_

It was one such morning that Petunia woke up to.

She had slept badly, dreams plaguing her through the night; same old dreams that shattered her every night's peace; dreams of dark cloaked figures barging into the house with those stupid sticks raised high above their heads and ripping her to pieces; ripping Vernon to pieces or God forbid! Touching even a hair on Dudley's head; and sometimes…no! Today she wants to be honest…many times, Lily showed up in these dreams- tied up, dragged in or just dead- her bright green eyes staring emptily ahead, her lips spelling out "Tuney", her delicately formed hands stretched out towards Petunia like they used to be when they were little in the park and she flew too high on the swings…

But, the worst…it was always the one in which she had to watch. It was the one in which she was pushed aside and she had to stand, knowing there's nothing she could do, knowing she's completely useless, just stand and watch- helpless.

But, this morning she woke up and she realized she couldn't take it anymore. No more stealing news from the smuggled-in copy of Daily prophet. No more living in constant worry for her life, her family's lives, for _Lily's_ life. She couldn't take any more of this war, of this uncertainty, of this day-to-day torture!

"Vernon! Vernon! Wake up! I need to talk to you. Wake up!" She poked her husband's arm with each word.

"Harrrumph!" Vernon snored and turned away.

"Vernon!" POKE "Vernon!" POKE "VERNON!" Poke-Poke-Poke!

"WHAT?!" he shot up in his bed.

"Let's go away, Vernon. Let's go far away- from this…from all of this!"

Vernon stared at her like she lost her head.

"Petunia, my dear, did you have a bad dream?" he finally ventured.

"Yes, yes, I did. But, this is not just about the dream, Vernon. It's about everything- all this worry, all this tension, I'm losing my mind, Vernon!"

"But honey, tension about what? What are you worried about?"

"The war, Vernon, the war! Don't you read the newspapers? Haven't watched the news? All those accidents, all those people dying- what did you think it was? A natural disaster? It's the war, Vernon! War of the magic folk! War that my sister is fighting in! I can't take this anymore, Vernon," she clutched his shirt and started sobbing, "I'll talk to Lily. I'll convince her to come away with us. And even that boy if she wants! Anything she wants! Let's all go away, Vernon. I can't stand this anymore!"

Vernon stared at her as she collapsed sobbing onto his chest. Slowly, he put his now-shaking hands around her. He didn't know what to make of all this- the so-called war, Petunia's hysterics, the acknowledgement of her sister…especially after her dismissal of the relationship yesterday.*

"Okay, honey. Let's go away…anywhere you wish."

She smiled as she changed Dudley's diaper. They will go away soon. And then, she can get some decent hours of sleep again. She was happy- an emotion that felt a little new in its scarcity now-a-days.

She put Dudley back down in his crib and cooed to him.

"There you go, Duddy-kins, all clean and set again. Are you hungry, my dinky-dums? Mommy's going to get you some milk, ok, my diddly-doo?"

With one last kiss, she walked out of the room and into the living room. Humming an old tune that rose to her lips at the thought of Lily, she opened the front door.

The first thing she saw was the crib, the second thing was the white tip of an envelope poking out from the side, then the eyes opened and the bright green hit her in a flash of horrifying recognition.

Petunia screamed.

 _/fin/_

 **A/N: So this was my take on Petunia's attempt at redemption. What did you think? Let me know in your review!**


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